Bourgeois Deviant

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


The bathroom at work is a place to loathe. While it is a place of relief, a recent experience suggests a dual purpose to the space. It could be that the janitorial staff of this building on Broad Street near Wall, in an effort to usurp and/or humble the aristocratic banking class that occupies it, have booby-trapped the bathroom. However, as with any omelet, eggs do get broken. This bourgeois member of the proletariat fell victim to the soap dispenser.

Upon placing one’s hand and pressing down upon the soap dispenser, the last thing you would expect would be for it to ejaculate onto the area of your trousers covering your naughty place. However, that is what happened. (Visualize if you will, the liquid soap spewing out of the dispenser nozzle and then using my hand as a launch pad for its final destination.) The pressing down was not particularly forceful, which compounded befuddlement. The end result was something looking very much like the byproduct of youthful autoerotic-stimulation.

It is just comforting to suspect conspiracy. What was uncomfortable was washing it off and having a rather substantial wet spot covering a surplus of the original offending area. It begs the question: When working for a bank, what is worse; something appearing to be a naughty juice stain or the look of having wet one’s self?

Needless to say, I spent a while in the bathroom letting it dry. I would rather portray a lengthy bowel voiding than all of the above. Prerogative and initiative taken with favorable results achieved. Humiliation abated, for the most part. Janitors do the work we don’t want to and thusly deserve our respect. (Just in case they are reading...)


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