Bourgeois Deviant

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Get Your Olympic M. Dub On!

Seriously. Martha Who? gets to the real subtext of Olympic color commentary. Most enjoyable.

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Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Lady Liberty

The Statue of Liberty and surrounding facilities are now totally powered by wind energy. That is so AWESOME. [Treehugger]

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

From The Advertising Slogan Generator

Reach Out and Touch Bourgeois Deviant


An "In the Womb" Playlist

Many years ago, I remember reading an interview with Dave Matthews in which he told the interviewer that he grew up in a musical household. More to the point, if music wasn’t being played on an instrument, it was being played on a hi-fi of some sort or another. Again, memory suggests that he made some comment about probably hearing music in the womb.

As you may have gleaned from a much earlier post, Mrs. BD and I are in a family way due in July. Baby Bourgeois Bananas is growing quickly and, according to my wife, quite an active little bugger. Developmentally, a fetus of five months plus can hear. What it hears and how it interprets these sounds is highly speculative. Certainly mommy Deviant’s heartbeat and other bodily functions are constant friends. Heaven help the kid if Ma Deviant has had Mexican. A while back, either National Geographic or PBS or both did a series on pregnancy and birth. It did talk about what the kid can hear. Included in the list of possibles was outside noise. Common sense, right?

A father’s input into his child’s existence is quite removed until, and at times after, birth. So, if the kid can hear now, maybe I can give it something to listen to. I do put my face to my wife’s blossoming belly routinely and talk to the shrimp growing in there, but odes to how much I already love the kid and how excited I am to meet it are more for me than for the child inside. The only thing going on there, really, is probably the kid freaking out at the foul loud bass it hears from one side of the womb or another and, perhaps over time, a growing familiarity to it.

During my 11th grade year, I had a good chemistry teacher. (If she ever reads this, yes. I thought you were a good teacher. However, I still maintain that I never cheated on that quiz and that you were dead wrong in accusing me. I mean, why would I ever cheat off that dumbass Javier anyway? Our answers didn’t even match! You still suck in my book for that.) In one class she talked about how cells are influenced by any number of things in their development. She talked about gestating babies (it was a catholic school and they were, and probably still are even more vehemently, beating the asinine pro-life drum.) and how they could hear, but sound could possibly influence their development. She revealed that she had played her daughter Mozart while still in the womb. I always thought that was a really neat idea.

Last week I had a birthday and got some gifts. One, from my Uncle in Mad-town, was a phat gift certificate to Amazon. I have a wish list, so the possibilities ran five pages long with what I could use it for. However, right then, nothing was grabbing me. Then I remembered Dave Matthews and my high-school chemistry teacher. So, I picked up this sweet pair of Sennheiser headphones to pop on my wife’s belly to play the kid some good music. But what, besides Mozart?

I grew up with the Beatles, so some of their more melodious tunes are sure to make the play list. Generally, I am thinking that fullness of sound and gently undulating melodies are probably preferable. Throwing in some mellow old school DMB is surely possible as is some Arvo Pärt. This is where I solicit the bloggosphere to lend me their suggestions for my baby’s ears. In the future, you can look for periodic updates to the “Bananas Playlist” to see what music is influencing a developing child. Seriously though, any and all suggestions will get their welcomed and fair airing, parental guidance exercised of course.

BTW, I am going to use the hell out of those kick ass headphones myself, too. Make no mistake. Thanks again Uncle Ole!

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Guilty Pleasures: Peachy Wolf Edition

Supplied to you by Peachy Wolf with editorial comment from yours truly.

A huge helping of sausage, beans and chips on a single plate UK style. I only enjoy it about once a year, but enjoy it I do.
TBDR: Initially, this is quite guilty. However, given the caveat of it being once a year, it leans toward the ritual. This lessens the guilt of the pleasure to a muted nostalgia. Whereas if you indulged in this fortnightly, ‘twould be guilty as sin. Kudos on a gentle opening primer.

The Bee Gees. Try it, play "Stayin' Alive" loud. Really loud.
TBDR: This is remarkably astute. It borders on resonating within the collective unconscious. If there ever was one work of pop music created that was guaranteed to generate a visceral, however brief, shit-eating grin, it would be anything off of the “Stayin’ Alive” album. Bonus points.

1980's "War of the Worlds" series. I just bought the first season and it is atrocious, I know it's atrocious but I still watch it. The beauty of it: It's one of those shows that completely revamped it's plot for the second season without a shred of narrative explanation. It was quickly cancelled.
TBDR: Uh, this would be guilty in being uniquely a writer’s guilty pleasure (of which I am not a party, really), perhaps. It is not for TBD to judge. That said, the thin residue of memory of the series leads to concurrence that it was indeed atrocious. Perhaps the guilt may have roots in a subliminal indulgent masochism? It is, perhaps TBD’s guilty pleasure of enjoying Stargate SG1 that makes this particular pleasure so deliciously salient.

Double Breasted Suits. Given my Italian heritage I should stay away, far away, but what am I gonna do?
TBDR: Indeed. What ARE you going to do?

Theme parks. I love me some roller coasters and $8 cokes, also, part and parcel, water parks. Even 12 year olds look at me askance.
TBDR: This is tough. Theme parks in and of themselves are not truly guilty in a visceral sense. Everyone has their individual threshold for thrills and these places specialize in that. There is nothing wrong with the enjoyment of the visceral.

Now, if you bring in external factors, like the environmental impact of such places, the rampant waste and consumption that they cater to and encourage, they are most certainly guilty. But there was no caveat or qualifier to say that you attended them habitually. If you went once a week, that would be trez guilty (enough to be worthy of legend). And, if you are genuine in implying that you derive actual pleasure in paying $8 for a soda at such places, the guilt compounds to such irrational magnitude that Romanesque decadence doesn’t begin to encapsulate it. The complexity and potential are truly boggling. TBD is left breathless. Thank you.

Lastly, twelve-year-olds are often smarter than we ever give them credit for.

BD: Anyone else care to share? All entries accepted with all editorial rights reserved. Thank you in advance for playing.
Email to

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

From The Advertising Slogan Generator +

How appropriate...
More Bourgeois Deviant Please.
I swear, Peachy Wolf's Guilty Pleasures to follow soon...

BTW, check out the DCeiver. He has been posting like mad lately.

And, don't forget: Get your FDH single now.

And due out at the end of the month, the much anticipated full album...

Again, apologies for not posting more substantive material. This blogger has been whacked on cold meds and consequently unable to form much, if any, coherent thought. I long for the day when drugs cease to be medicinal and can once again be recreational.

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

From The Advertising Slogan Generator

Get Busy with the Bourgeois Deviant.

So, coming soon: Look for more Guilty Pleasures: The Peachy Wolf Edition.


Tuesday, February 14, 2006

From The Advertising Slogan Generator

When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Bourgeois Deviant.
You betcha.



Sunday, February 12, 2006

Winter Wonderland

© MBDeviant 2006

So, its not a polar ice-cap, but it IS pretty heavy for the five boroughs. Presently at about 14 inches. We can expect up to 24 in.! It is nice snow. Light and fluffy. Easy to shovel, but we have nowhere to put it! Ah well.

Update:2/11/06, 14:25 We just went up to our roof deck and we have 22.5 inches of snow @ the lowest drift. Wow!

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Saturday, February 11, 2006

As the Deviants See Eachother Goin' Down to South Park

Again, Courtesy of Jason Milner @ TSOTU. [SPStudio]


Guilty Pleasures: Martha Who? Edition

Supplied to you by Martha Who? with editorial comment from yours truly.

Grilled cheese with dijon mustard added before grilling. Dan thinks this is disgusting.
The Bourgeois Deviant Response (TBDR): This ain’t guilty. But, perhaps in context, it may be so. I will have to try it and report back.

Ketchup mixed with Honey as a dipping sauce for chicken nuggets.
TBDR: Again, what is guilty here is not was is stated. Chicken nuggets??? I mean… Have you seen Super Size Me? Good thing you are a vegetarian now.

A huge guilty pleasure is looking at paint chips at Home Depot or nail polish bottles at the salon and fancying myself a job where I could create the names for such colors -- I mean, there must be someone in a room somewhere coming up with such gems as "chimayo red" or "fossil butte" or "quietude" or "tropical fusion"
TBDR: This is, well, guilty. I won’t be as bold as to quantify the guilt, but man! Its sort of twisted from this Southerner’s point of view. Then again, it could be because I didn’t think of it.

Being barefoot on pavement. The worst offense: On July 4, 1997, I walked from the National Mall all the way to DuPont Circle without shoes. I know this is disgusting. I needed to soak my feet for 30 minutes to clean them off before going out.
TBDR: Guilty as charged and happily so. However, guilt is only in that others may find this to be certainly true in its deviance. Also, depending on what part of DuPont Circle you walked through, crossing over a fire pit might have been safer. I am proud of you.

Watching reality television is a huge guilty pleasure. It started with Survivor and The Apprentice, but really I could get sucked into anything.
TBDR: You aren’t alone. *Watches Real World / Road Rules: The Gauntlet and all related programming ad nauseum.* You are so so not alone.

BD: Anyone else care to share? All entries accepted with all editorial rights reserved.
Email to

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Holy Flaming Torino!

This was a bit much. Don't you think? And, doesn't this title sound a bit like a drink? Definitely something with Drambuie in it.

On a side note: Yoko Ono? Oh no. Seriously. I am down with the whole peace message, but she just puts me off. Deep down, I still feel like maybe she had John killed. It could have been a Fluxus event or just killing him off before his fame waned and he became marginalized. Call it a way of bumping the stock up. Look what it did for Van Gough!

Then again, I am most certainly wrong and going to hell for even momentarily thinking I was right. Still, Yoko sours my peaceful milk. Pu pu on you Torino.

Bootleg Hombre

FYI, some FDH fans have started a site that shares free FDH tracks. Live bits and other rarities. FDH's webmaster has givin the go-ahead in saying "Fill your boots." I highly recommend it. Good stuff there and will serve as a good introduction and primer for the upcoming First Word single and the full album release at the end of the month: Experiments In Living.

Mr. & Mrs. Bourgeois Deviant head on down to South Park

Courtesy of Jason Milner @ TSOTU. [SPStudio]

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Oh Canada: Suburban Slam

Reposted from Treehugger. Not that I am into Canadians, but I have always had a beef with the suburbs. I grew up in them and don't begrudge a good childhood, built-environment-wise. However, in my adult years, I hated having to drive everywhere. John Sewell seems to be articulating the foundations of my beef and doing it well.
"Listening to John Sewell is like going to the optometrist- he sharpens your focus." Mayor Sewell is giving four lectures on The Shape of the City: Challenges to Growth. We attended the first on Monday Night at the Gladstone Hotel.

This first lecture was about the development of the highway infrastructure that enabled suburban growth. The Minister of Transport in 1934 envisioned a double carriageway based on the best ideas of the autobahn in Germany. Astonishingly they thought that these roads would not promote development around them but would act as links between centers and that the value of land near the highways would go down rather than up. It was the first time that new roads were planted in fields rather than an incremental expansion of existing routes. Never before had roads been planned from scratch and nobody understood the consequences.

Of course, development exploded around these highways and by the 60's they were at capacity. An underfunded commuter rail system was developed but it used leased tracks and could never be self-sustaining, because the roads certainly were not. Now, we have endless sprawl of low density development feeding tens of thousands of commuters onto roads that were not designed for this purpose, into communities that do not have the infrastructure to support the load.
This is what happened to Northern Virginia and also tainted the urban mentality and development of DC as well. I don't mention Maryland because, well, it never counted in my book.

Energy, Manhattan

© BDeviant 2005

Wednesday, February 01, 2006


You can get one too! Here. [via Yo Ambro!]

Caught in a Timewarp Again

So, I missed the State of the Union address last night and I felt obligated to read it today. Not only that, but in an effort to kill down time at work, I was going to provide commentary. So, I googled TSOTU to get a trasncript and the first thing that pops up is CNN's rendition. I copy it, paste it and begin to wail on it.
I have about three pages left to go when I realize that I am not reading the speech that was given last night. I am reading the State of the Union address from 2003!

Initally, I felt exceedingly foolish for not getting this sooner. Taking into account that I do work in a hectic office and am prone to the distraction of work, I forgive myself a little. What has dawned on me, though, is how little things have changed. Also, how incredibly obtuse that speech was just gutted me. Moreover, given Bush's arrogance, I was not put off by his mentionings of Social Security reform and other failed initiatives. I just thought he was being a ballzy pedant.

So that my efforts are not a complete loss, I give you my running commentary on the 2003 State of the Union Speech under the auspicies of it being the 2006 version. Have a good laugh and don't make fun of me too much.

Mr. Speaker, Vice President Cheney, members of Congress, distinguished citizens and fellow citizens, every year, by law and by custom, we meet here to consider the state of the union. This year, we gather in this chamber deeply aware of decisive days that lie ahead. [BD: Duh! And you don’t inspire a great deal of hope given your lackluster track record thus far. The only think I have to look forward to are your verbal trips and stumbles which I won’t get because this is a transcript. *despair*]

You and I serve our country in a time of great consequence. During this session of Congress, we have the duty to reform domestic programs vital to our country, we have the opportunity to save millions of lives abroad from a terrible disease. We will work for a prosperity that is broadly shared, and we will answer every danger and every enemy that threatens the American people. [BD: Checkypantz, I believe, read into this correctly in seeing this as a foreshadowing device and/or veiled threat to Iran and, even more veiled, North Korea. Lame subtext in the guise of Statecraft. And every day has been a time of great consequence in the life of this nation. The stakes just happen to be higher because of the poor decisions this administration has made and the erosion of our democracy at the hands of the majority party. We do have the opportunity to save millions of lives abroad, but we don’t seem to be acting on it. The U.S. is the wealthiest nation in the world and it gives, proportionately, the least in charity relative to, say… Canada or most of the European nations.]

In all these days of promise and days of reckoning, we can be confident. [BD: “Days of promise?” What is he talking about? And as for the reckoning thing, we have very little to be confident about with this schmoe up in the tower.]
During the last two years we have seen what can be accomplished when we work together. [BD: This is probably a Rove-ian stroke. I really can’t say that those on the Hill have been working together all that well. Hell, the Dems can’t seem to work together. They’ve accomplished bubkis as far as I can tell]

To lift the standards of our public schools, we achieved historic education reform which must now be carried out in every school and in every classroom so that every child in American can read and learn and succeed in life. [This is propaganda in its purest form. Horse-hokey if you ask me. NCLB is failing our young people. Ask any teacher worth their salt and you will hear this to be true. Presidential bubble indeed.]

To protect our country, we reorganized our government and created the Department of Homeland Security, which is mobilizing against the threats of a new era. [BD: Read: The party of small government has succeeded in creating even bigger government that is specifically geared to, it would seem, to scare the American public. THAT’S effective!]

To bring our economy out of recession, we delivered the largest tax relief in a generation. [BD: The rich are getting richer and the poor are staying poor. Trickle down this!]

To insist on integrity in American business, we passed tough reforms, and we are holding corporate criminals to account. [BD: The Enron trial is just getting underway. We’ll see if corporate criminals are held accountable.]
Some might call this a good record. I call it a good start. Tonight I ask the House and the Senate to join me in the next bold steps to serve our fellow citizens. [BD: Which some is he talking about? Ah, life inside the bubble is so rosy.]
Our first goal is clear: We must have an economy that grows fast enough to employ every man and woman who seeks a job. [BD: I agree. However, socialism isn’t very palatable to most.]

After recession, terrorist attacks, corporate scandals and stock market declines, our economy is recovering. Yet it is not growing fast enough, or strongly enough. [BD: Assuming that he is speaking of history and in a linear order to things, mentioning recession first is dubious. Strictly speaking, it is mathematically true, but highly relative. Bubble boy is merely hyping here. The terrorist attacks were the tipping point for recession. What he calls recession was merely a hint of a decline in the economy because of the post internet boom. Again, to say our economy is recovering is more propaganda and rhetoric than fact, methinks. See the next statement and spot the fallacy.]

With unemployment rising, our nation needs more small businesses to open, more companies to invest and expand, more employers to put up the sign that says, "Help Wanted." [BD: Bubble boy is right here. However, with economic policy increasingly favoring big business to the point of malignancy, this is impossible in this deviant’s estimation.]

Jobs are created when the economy grows; the economy grows when Americans have more money to spend and invest; and the best and fairest way to make sure Americans have that money is not to tax it away in the first place. [BD: Again, basic truth followed by skewed by highly relative and sour rhetoric. And what about savings? The American people haven’t saved so little since the Great Depression. Bubble Boy is missing a step]

I am proposing that all the income tax reductions set for 2004 and 2006 be made permanent and effective this year. [BD: *is exasperated*]

And under my plan, as soon as I've signed the bill, this extra money will start showing up in workers' paychecks. [BD: Whoop-d-freak’n-doo! This prognostication does the country little to no good without further direction]

Instead of gradually reducing the marriage penalty, we should do it now. [BD: Don’t know anything about this, so will refrain from comment. However, partisan nature hints to me that it is bad.]

Instead of slowly raising the child credit to $1,000, we should send the checks to American families now. [BD: Throwing money at a problem or at the American people is not the solution to anything. Again, here is a colossal opportunity to provide some direction, but it is missed like blind man throwing a hail Mary in the wrong direction.]

This tax relief is for everyone who pays income taxes, and it will help our economy immediately. Ninety-two million Americans will keep this year an average of almost $1,100 more of their own money. A family of four with an income of $40,000 would see their federal income taxes fall from $1,178 to $45 per year. [BD: *wonders if this is highly subjective.]

And our plan will improve the bottom line for more than 23 million small businesses. [BD: Sounds like more hollow prognostication to me since it is not given more detail.]

You, the Congress, have already passed all these reductions, and promised them for future years. [BD: Way to go guys. I am SO sure things are getting better as a consequence of that. Right? Wait…]

If this tax relief is good for Americans three or five or seven years from now, it is even better for Americans today. [BD: Again, bubble boy doesn’t know the full spectrum of Americans as should be included in this statement. Go visit New Orleans to see who is excluded in his idea of America. How about another carefully screened audience for you Mr. President!]

We should also strengthen the economy by treating investors equally in our tax laws. It's fair to tax a company's profits. It is not fair to again tax the shareholder on the same profits. [BD: This rings as a grossly obtuse statement.]

To boost investor confidence, and to help the nearly 10 million seniors who receive dividend income, I ask you to end the unfair double taxation of dividends. [BD: For Seniors. Finish the statement by saying “… for Seniors” and don’t leave massive mac truck loopholes for your Ritchie Rich cronies.]

Lower taxes and greater investment will help this economy expand. More jobs mean more taxpayers and higher revenues to our government. [BD: This would be an agreeable statement if it were wholly true. Also, if we decided to cut military spending, it might be more palatable. But why would we do silly things like that?]

The best way to address the deficit and move toward a balanced budget is to encourage economic growth and to show some spending discipline in Washington, D.C. [BD: Spending discipline? Did he really utter those words? Talk about a perfect example of an oxymoron to cross his lips! Again, trim the military and the *ahem* security programs a bit, because they aren’t as effective as Bubble Boy portends them to be.]

We must work together to fund only our most important priorities. I will send you a budget that increases discretionary spending by 4 percent next year, about as much as the average family's income is expected to grow. And that is a good benchmark for us: Federal spending should not rise any faster than the paychecks of American families. [BD: Priorities: 1. Keeping the American people subservient, scared and undereducated. 2. Whatever else God tells me to do.] [BD: The latter part of the statement is a fair one. However, it is a highly idealistic pipe dream that will likely never be met. Three cheers for the bloated government that Bubble Boy helped to create!]

A growing economy and a focus on essential priorities will be crucial to the future of Social Security. As we continue to work together to keep Social Security sound and reliable, we must offer younger workers a chance to invest in retirement accounts that they will control and they will own. [BD: Whatever happened to the notion of plain old savings accounts? Admittedly, it is nice to see this tail between the legs statement after his failed Social Security effort, but instead of tail between the legs, I would have preferred a statement more along the lines of tail up his own ass.]

Our second goal is high quality, affordable health for all Americans. [BD: Here we go. This is going to be utter bullshit.]

The American system of medicine is a model of skill and innovation, with a pace of discovery that is adding good years to our lives. Yet for many people, medical care costs too much, and many have no coverage at all. [BD: True on most accounts. But adding “good years to our lives”? Highly subjective, but hey, we are talking about the #1 cheerleader in the culture of life. Hoo ha.]

These problems will not be solved with a nationalized health care system that dictates coverage and rations care. [BD: That is SO a matter of opinion. Every system has its problems. However, you have to consider what might be better. Everybody getting something or just a lot of people getting a bit more with others left out of the loop. Who are we to deny other Americans treatment? Clearly the American medical system in its current incarnation is. Bubble Boy is purveying hooey here.]

Instead, we must work toward a system in which all Americans have a good insurance policy, choose their own doctors, and seniors and low-income Americans receive the help they need. [BD: Again, some of this is ok. However, he misses a good bet in mentioning the potential of non-profits and not-for-profits. Myopic buffoon.]

Instead of bureaucrats and trial lawyers and HMOs, we must put doctors and nurses and patients back in charge of American medicine. [BD: The first thing I haven’t found objectionable so far. Amazing.]

Health care reform must begin with Medicare; Medicare is the binding commitment of a caring society. [BD: I guess this is fair. Two things, in a row no less, found to be agreeable. Am I turning into a conservative?]

We must renew that commitment by giving seniors access to the preventive medicine and new drugs that are transforming health care in America. [BD: In bowling, we call this a turkey. However, we do realize that this is strictly populist and he is playing for points. Name someone who wouldn’t find this agreeable.]

Seniors happy with the current Medicare system should be able to keep their coverage just the way it is. [BD: Okay.]

And just like you, the members of Congress, and your staffs and other federal employees, all seniors should have the choice of a health care plan that provides prescription drugs. [BD: Getting to the contentious stuff. Wait for it….]

My budget will commit an additional $400 billion over the next decade to reform and strengthen Medicare. Leaders of both political parties have talked for years about strengthening Medicare. I urge the members of this new Congress to act this year. [BD: Great! Where is the money going to come from, exactly? What programs do we have to cut? Certainly that will be the mission, initially, given all the tax cuts that are certain to be made permanent.]

To improve our health care system, we must address one of the prime causes of higher cost: the constant threat that physicians and hospitals will be unfairly sued. [BD: Or, that more and more Americans need more and more healthcare because of an unhealthy lifestyle that is pervasive on nearly every level of daily life. Read: Driving instead of walking, fast food, commuting time compounding long work hours, general lack of daily exercise and on and a’on and on on and on…But unfair lawsuits do suck, and so does the American lifestyle.]

Because of excessive litigation, everybody pays more for health care, and many parts of America are losing fine doctors. No one has ever been healed by a frivolous lawsuit; I urge the Congress to pass medical liability reform. [BD: This smells like a red herring to me. It always has. I have no doubt that there are some genuinely frivolous lawsuits out there, but what is really hiking the price is the insurance companies. Put the spotlight on that for a while and color me satisfied.]

Our third goal is to promote energy independence for our country, while dramatically improving the environment. [BD: The day I see the Bush Administration make appreciable, definitive steps in this direction, I will eat my hat. Hollow words bubble boy, hollow words.]

I have sent you a comprehensive energy plan to promote energy efficiency and conservation, to develop cleaner technology, and to produce more energy at home. [BD: This is, I am sure, full of partisan and private sector cookies and treats that will render the plan moot save for some token measures to give it the appearance of diligence towards the end for which it was created. And you can be bloody sure it includes more oil exploration in all of our favorite protected places.]

I have sent you clear skies legislation that mandates a 70 percent cut in air pollution from power plants over the next 15 years. [BD: Great. I guess your prior efforts to similar ends by way of trusting the power industry to do so of its own volition didn’t exactly pan out as you had promised. Now, how about mandating it for automobiles too!]

I have sent you a healthy forest initiative to help prevent the catastrophic fires that devastate communities, kill wildlife and burn away millions of acres of treasured forests. [BD: Hold it. Fires aren’t necessarily bad for forests. They just have to happen at the right time. And for him to say “treasured” is rather double entendre of Bubble Boy. I am sure it is coincidence. Forests are indeed treasure in many respects, but for him, it connotes big bucks for his buddies in the timber and paper industries.]

I urge you to pass these measures for the good of both our environment and our economy. [BD: Clearly a half truth. I.E. for his agenda and for the economy inasmuch as it helps out shareholders, etc…]

Even more, I ask you to take a crucial step and protect our environment in ways that generations before us could not have imagined. [BD: Or Bubble Boy can presently.]

In this century, the greatest environmental progress will come about not through endless lawsuits or command-and-control regulations, but through technology and innovation. [Optimistic and genuinely integral to the American character on its face, to be sure. But, given the trend of disappointment and duplicity thus far with Bubble Boys agenda, I trust this about as far as I can throw Dick Cheney.]

Tonight I'm proposing $1.2 billion in research funding so that America can lead the world in developing clean, hydrogen-powered automobiles. [BD: Who is getting that funding? To limit it exclusively to hydrogen is foolhardy. What if it doesn’t prove feasible? Talk about betting too much too early in a game of Hold’em… Weak. But, did we expect anything less?]

A simple chemical reaction between hydrogen and oxygen generates energy, which can be used to power a car, producing only water, not exhaust fumes. [BD: Yeah, we have known about this for a while. You keep harping on it like it is the one good cover song your band does that everyone likes, but the rest of your song catalogue blows. And you never get any better despite the passage of time.]

With a new national commitment, our scientists and engineers will overcome obstacles to taking these cars from laboratory to showroom, so that the first car driven by a child born today could be powered by hydrogen, and pollution-free. [BD: Rah Rah Rah! Shish Boom Bah! Hydrogen Hydrogen! HA HA HA!]

Join me in this important innovation to make our air significantly cleaner, and our country much less dependent on foreign sources of energy. [BD: Won’t you? Won’t you? C’mon. It’ll be fun. Into the rabbit hole!]

Our fourth goal is to apply the compassion of America to the deepest problems of America. For so many in our country -- the homeless, and the fatherless, the addicted -- the need is great. Yet there is power -- wonder-working power -- in the goodness and idealism and faith of the American people. [BD: Enter state right – Jesus!]

Americans are doing the work of compassion every day: visiting prisoners, providing shelter for battered women, bringing companionship to lonely seniors. These good works deserve our praise, they deserve our personal support and, when appropriate, they deserve the assistance of the federal government. [BD: The operative word here being “Appropriate.”]

I urge you to pass both my faith-based initiative and the Citizen Service Act to encourage acts of compassion that can transform America one heart and one soul at a time. [BD: I’m not touching this one. You can easily glean my venom without one more syllable typed.]

Last year, I called on my fellow citizens to participate in the USA Freedom Corps, which is enlisting tens of thousands of new volunteers across America. [BD: Would you like some Freedom Fries with that?]

Tonight I ask Congress and the American people to focus the spirit of service and the resources of government on the needs of some of our most vulnerable citizens: boys and girls trying to grow up without guidance and attention, and children who have to go through a prison gate to be hugged by their mom or dad. [BD: This is the scene in the movie where, before us is a basket full of puppies is floating down river towards a waterfall that empties into a pool of sharks. Who doesn’t want to save the puppies. I mean kids.]

I propose a $450 million initiative to bring mentors to more than a million disadvantaged junior high students and children of prisoners. [BD: Nice idea. Perhaps a bit of a niche market, but those kids need help too. Lets just make sure that none are mentored exclusively into being Jesus fanatics. And where will the money for this come from?]

Government will support the training and recruiting of mentors, yet it is the men and women of America who will fill the need. One mentor, one person, can change a life forever, and I urge you to be that one person. [BD: This reads with about as much charisma as a hangnail. Where’s the tax insentive?]

Another cause of hopelessness is addiction to drugs. Addiction crowds out friendship, ambition, moral conviction, and reduces all the richness of life to a single destructive desire. [BD: But good gravy does it make you feel GOOOOOOD! And, it takes our minds off of fools like Bubble Boy.]

As a government, we are fighting illegal drugs by cutting off supplies and reducing demand through anti-drug education programs. Yet for those already addicted, the fight against drugs is a fight for their own lives. [BD: Enter Stage Left – James Brown “Hello boys and girls! Drugs are killers. They’ll take yo life away. So if you wanna live, you better leave’em alone. ‘Cause drugs are supah-bad. Supah-Bad. SUPAH-BAD!]

Too many Americans in search of treatment cannot get it. So tonight I propose a new $600 million program to help an additional 300,000 Americans receive treatment over the next three years. [BD: Good idea, but a drop in the bucket.]

Our nation is blessed with recovery programs that do amazing work. One of them is found at the Healing Place Church in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. A man in the program said, "God does miracles in people's lives, and you never think it could be you." [BD: Well, lets high-five the big JC! And, that these programs do amazing work is true. Bubble Boy is living proof! Cocaine! Cocaine!]

Tonight, let us bring to all Americans who struggle with drug addiction this message of hope: The miracle of recovery is possible, and it could be you. [BD: Read: Embrace your personal savior, Jesus Christ.]

By caring for children who need mentors, and for addicted men and women who need treatment, we are building a more welcoming society, a culture that values every life. [BD: I think I know where this is going…]

And in this work we must not overlook the weakest among us. I ask you to protect infants at the very hour of their birth and end the practice of partial-birth abortion. [BD: The base goes nuts! The base goes nuts! Ah-Lee-Toe! Ah-Lee-Toe! Ah-Lee-Toe! Ah-Lee-Toe!]

And because no human life should be started or ended as the object of an experiment, I ask you to set a high standard for humanity and pass a law against all human cloning. [BD: Wait, this is a double standard. Iraq is an experiment. Lots of life is ending there. At the hands of many, but the buck can stop with Bubble Boy. Again, the worshipful base goes nuts! Ah-Lee-Toe! Ah-Lee-Toe! Ah-Lee-Toe! Ah-Lee-Toe!]

The qualities of courage and compassion that we strive for in America also determine our conduct abroad. The American flag stands for more than our power and our interests. Our founders dedicated this country to the cause of human dignity, the rights of every person and the possibilities of every life. [BD: Since when does he give a damn about our image abroad? During the Clinton years, most of the world, save for the Islamic, loved us. Now we are the point of fear and loathing. Try hubris and *ahem* security.]

This conviction leads us into the world to help the afflicted, and defend the peace, and confound the designs of evil men. [BD: This has to be a buildup to something ripe.]

In Afghanistan, we helped to liberate an oppressed people, and we will continue helping them secure their country, rebuild their society and educate all their children, boys and girls. [BD: Again, we have a statement that sounds pretty good. However, it is not the truth. Afghanistan was a nation oppressed people. For the most part it still is. We just went in and destabilized it. And, if we had just stuck to Afghanistan and not trifled with Iraq, things would be stable now. And, then we could actually educate boys and girls.]

In the Middle East, we will continue to seek peace between a secure Israel and a democratic Palestine. [BD: Whoop-d-doo!]

Across the Earth, America is feeding the hungry. More than 60 percent of international food aid comes as a gift from the people of the United States. [Groovy. How much is genetically modified? And, do we bother to tell them if it is?]

As our nation moves troops and builds alliances to make our world safer, we must also remember our calling, as a blessed country, is to make the world better. [BD: Alliances with who? Better in what regard? And, ultimately, at who’s expense?]

Today, on the continent of Africa, nearly 30 million people have the AIDS virus, including 3 million children under the age of 15. There are whole countries in Africa where more than one-third of the adult population carries the infection. More than 4 million require immediate drug treatment. Yet across that continent, only 50,000 AIDS victims -- only 50,000 -- are receiving the medicine they need. [BD: Simply put, American pharmaceutical companies charge too damn much to get the medications out there to where they are needed most.]

Because the AIDS diagnosis is considered a death sentence, many do not seek treatment. Almost all who do are turned away. [BD: They clearly need to develop a culture of life.]

A doctor in rural South Africa describes his frustration. He says, "We have no medicines, many hospitals tell people, 'You've got AIDS. We can't help you. Go home and die'." [BD: I believe this.]

In an age of miraculous medicines, no person should have to hear those words. [BD: Two in a row. What’s his total up to now? Five? He’d so be kicking my ass if we were bowling.]

AIDS can be prevented. Anti-retroviral drugs can extend life for many years. And the cost of those drugs has dropped from $12,000 a year to under $300 a year, which places a tremendous possibility within our grasp. [BD: That is a great prices drop, but when you look at how much of the world lives on less than $2 per day, and it is a lot, $300 is hardly affordable.]

Ladies and gentlemen, seldom has history offered a greater opportunity to do so much for so many. [BD: SIX!]

We have confronted, and will continue to confront, HIV/AIDS in our own country. And to meet a severe and urgent crisis abroad, tonight I propose the Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief, a work of mercy beyond all current international efforts to help the people of Africa. [BD: Nearly seven, but 1. How will America pay for this? 2. He has to do this because if he doesn’t, Africa will be the next terrorism breeding ground. Heck! It probably already is. Bubble Boy’s back is up against the wall and this is the best thing he can do to at least make it appear as though he is being pro-active and genuinely altruistic. Nice one.]

This comprehensive plan will prevent 7 million new AIDS infections, treat at least 2 million people with life-extending drugs and provide humane care for millions of people suffering from AIDS and for children orphaned by AIDS. [BD: True. A little will go a great long way in much of Africa. But where is the bit where he harps on the virtues of teaching abstinence…]

I ask the Congress to commit $15 billion over the next five years, including nearly $10 billion in new money, to turn the tide against AIDS in the most afflicted nations of Africa and the Caribbean. [BD: Seriously, where is the money coming from with all those permanent tax cuts in place?]

This nation can lead the world in sparing innocent people from a plague of nature. [BD: This statement is more telling than Bush would care to admit. Nature is his enemy. It doesn’t give him enough oil. It sends hurricanes to damage stuff because his corporate buddies are getting really really rich from spewing pollutants into our air and water. AIDS is not a plague of nature. The natural world did conceive it, but man gave it the epic proportions it has today. Let’s not confuse man made with nature.]

And this nation is leading the world in confronting and defeating the man-made evil of international terrorism. [BD: Speaking of man-made…]

There are days when our fellow citizens do not hear news about the war on terror. There's never a day when I do not learn of another threat, or receive reports of operations in progress or give an order in this global war against a scattered network of killers. [BD: Drugs? They’re killers! They’ll take our life away. Wait… is James Brown still on stage? Bubble boy didn’t say “Threat Matrix.” Didn’t want the association with the cancelled TV series lest America cancel him…]

The war goes on, and we are winning. [BD: Ah… Bubble Boy’s tower view…]

To date we have arrested or otherwise dealt with many key commanders of Al Qaida. They include a man who directed logistics and funding for the September the 11th attacks, the chief of Al Qaida operations in the Persian Gulf who planned the bombings of our embassies in East Africa and the USS Cole, an Al Qaida operations chief from Southeast Asia, a former director of Al Qaida's training camps in Afghanistan, a key Al Qaida operative in Europe, a major Al Qaida leader in Yemen. [BD: Read “arrested or otherwise dealt with” as killed or tortured to death and/or detained with no hope for a fair trial by a jury of their piers. And what are the names of these individuals? To be cheap… Is it that he can’t pronounce them or are they uncorroborated so that he doesn’t want to commit to the facts lest they be proven wrong and his thunder is taken from him? Progress and the illusion of progress seem to be interchangeable to this administration.]

All told, more than 3,000 suspected terrorists have been arrested in many countries. [Suspected doesn’t mean proven guilty. Again, if they are to be incarcerated by our government, let them be subject to our justice. That includes formal charges and a trial where the accused faces his/her accuser.]

And many others have met a different fate. Let's put it this way: They are no longer a problem to the United States and our friends and allies. [BD: So much for the culture of life. Don’t you love double standards?]

We are working closely with other nations to prevent further attacks. America and coalition countries have uncovered and stopped terrorist conspiracies targeting the embassy in Yemen, the American embassy in Singapore, a Saudi military base, ships in the Straits of Hormuz and the Straits of Gibraltar. We've broken Al Qaida cells in Hamburg and Milan and Madrid and London and Paris -- as well as Buffalo, New York. [BD: Yes. Lets give the appearance of homeland safety while at the same time scaring us into complacency so that you can continue with your imperial agenda.]

We've got the terrorists on the run. We're keeping them on the run. One by one the terrorists are learning the meaning of American justice. [BD: Actually, no they aren’t. They are either getting killed, which isn’t uniquely American in its justice. I would equate it that brand more with dictators, despots and totalitarians. American Justice would be capture, due process and judgment in a court of law. And, lest not confuse “on the run” with us chasing wild geese.]

As we fight this war, we will remember where it began: here, in our own country. This government is taking unprecedented measures to protect our people and defend our homeland. [BD: Unprecedented = Illegal]

We've intensified security at the borders and ports of entry, posted more than 50,000 newly trained federal screeners in airports, begun inoculating troops and first responders against smallpox, and are deploying the nation's first early warning network of sensors to detect biological attack. [BD: Great. Why am I not filled with confidence and hope?]

And this year, for the first time, we are beginning to field a defense to protect this nation against ballistic missiles. [BD: Read – Stimulating the economy by funneling dollars to military contractors to build one giant, super-expensive pipe dream.]

I thank the Congress for supporting these measures. I ask you tonight to add to our future security with a major research and production effort to guard our people against bio-terrorism, called Project Bioshield. [BD: Did he enjoy saying this? Did he say this like Dr. Evil say “Project Vulcan”?]

The budget I send you will propose almost $6 billion to quickly make available effective vaccines and treatments against agents like anthrax, botulinum toxin, ebola and plague. We must assume that our enemies would use these diseases as weapons, and we must act before the dangers are upon us. [BD: Fine. Again, a little on the “Lets scare them needlessly” end of things, but fine.]

Since September the 11th, our intelligence and law enforcement agencies have worked more closely than ever to track and disrupt the terrorists. The FBI is improving its ability to analyze intelligence, and is transforming itself to meet new threats. [BD: Something it should have been doing all along and we are not entirely sure if it is accurate. Confidence is not high.]

Tonight, I am instructing the leaders of the FBI, the CIA, the Homeland Security and the Department of Defense to develop a Terrorist Threat Integration Center, to merge and analyze all threat information in a single location. [BD: Good idea, but hello bigger government Mr. Head of the Republican Party.]

Our government must have the very best information possible, and we will use it to make sure the right people are in the right places to protect our citizens. [BD: Because we don’t want any more Saddams.]

Our war against terror is a contest of will in which perseverance is power. In the ruins of two towers, at the western wall of the Pentagon, on a field in Pennsylvania, this nation made a pledge, and we renew that pledge tonight: Whatever the duration of this struggle and whatever the difficulties, we will not permit the triumph of violence in the affairs of men; free people will set the course of history. [BD: Perhaps the most elegiac phrase of this speech, but only because when he said “two towers” I instantly thought of LOTR. Silly me. But again, isn’t this the pot calling the kettle… with the whole violence thing… eye for an eye and all that… both blind… Sorry, getting tired. Must… carry… on…]

Today, the gravest danger in the war on terror, the gravest danger facing America and the world, is outlaw regimes that seek and possess nuclear, chemical and biological weapons. [BD: Here comes Iran. Maybe North Korea if he’s smart. “If.”]

These regimes could use such weapons for blackmail, terror and mass murder. They could also give or sell those weapons to terrorist allies, who would use them without the least hesitation. [BD: Get your scare tactic on.]

This threat is new; America's duty is familiar. [BD: Huh? New? Nuh uh! Kim Jong Ill is, like, 64 years old]

Throughout the 20th century, small groups of men seized control of great nations, built armies and arsenals, and set out to dominate the weak and intimidate the world. [BD: Does this sound familiar W? Do you identify with these things?]

In each case, their ambitions of cruelty and murder had no limit. In each case, the ambitions of Hitlerism, militarism and communism were defeated by the will of free peoples, by the strength of great alliances and by the might of the United States of America. [BD: Hitlerism? Did he really just say that? Communism was defeated by itself. Ronnie just stoked the degradation a bit. As for militarism… eh.]

Now, in this century, the ideology of power and domination has appeared again and seeks to gain the ultimate weapons of terror. [BD: I know who he is talking about, but you’ve got to wonder, put into another context, he could be talking about the USA. I realize that this may be heretical, but dissent is an American virtue. So suck it. Besides, no one is going to read this anyway.]

Once again, this nation and our friends are all that stand between a world at peace, and a world of chaos and constant alarm. Once again, we are called to defend the safety of our people and the hopes of all mankind. And we accept this responsibility. [BD: Smell the hubris. Smell the fear. As for a world of constant alarm, what the hell is Code Yellow? Thanks Homeland Security. Thanks a bunch. I’m so at ease.]

America is making a broad and determined effort to confront these dangers. [BD: Broad? Sure. Determined? Okay. But, effective? Successful? You tell me. I really can’t tell.]

We have called on the United Nations to fulfill its charter and stand by its demand that Iraq disarm. We are strongly supporting the International Atomic Energy Agency in its mission to track and control nuclear materials around the world. We are working with other governments to secure nuclear materials in the former Soviet Union and to strengthen global treaties banning the production and shipment of missile technologies and weapons of mass destruction. [BD: Wow! Bubble Boy is getting it done! But, didn’t we “disarm” Iraq. Rather, didn’t we bomb the snot out of Iraq and find that they weren’t armed? And how are we really “working with other governments?” Isn’t it more like Bubble Boy’s crew are issuing edicts or some such? Let them eat cake!]

In all of these efforts, however, America's purpose is more than to follow a process. It is to achieve a result: the end of terrible threats to the civilized world. [BD: So, by this you mean that process be damned, as long as the job gets done, it doesn’t matter how many laws we have to break or how many times we have to piss on the Constitution, its ok, as long as terrible threats to the civilized word are put to an end? Cool! I think that’s what they call cowboy diplomacy in Star Trek. I bet W. is a big Shatner fan.]

All free nations have a stake in preventing sudden and catastrophic attacks, and we're asking them to join us, and many are doing so. [BD: Either you are with us, or you are against us. Totalitarian prick.]

Yet the course of this nation does not depend on the decisions of others. [BD: No George. It depends on your decisions. Right?]

Whatever action is required, whenever action is necessary, I will defend the freedom and security of the American people. [BD: Because he is the ACTION President! If only Ahnohld Govenator could be his VP, that would kick so much ass.]

Different threats require different strategies. In Iran we continue to see a government that represses its people, pursues weapons of mass destruction and supports terror. [BD: Not news. But this is Bubble Boy talking here…]

We also see Iranian citizens risking intimidation and death as they speak out for liberty and human rights and democracy. Iranians, like all people, have a right to choose their own government, and determine their own destiny, and the United States supports their aspirations to live in freedom. [BD: Great! How? Let me guess… Some strategic bombing. Yes! That solves everything.]

On the Korean Peninsula, an oppressive regime rules a people living in fear and starvation. Throughout the 1990s, the United States relied on a negotiated framework to keep North Korea from gaining nuclear weapons. We now know that that regime was deceiving the world and developing those weapons all along. [BD: He forgot to mention that North Koreans live in complete ignorance. Why is that, do you wonder? Could it be that Bubble Boy doesn’t find that as objectionable? Lets see where this goes…]

And today the North Korean regime is using its nuclear program to incite fear and seek concessions. [BD: And what are we doing with our nukes? Oh, right. Everyone knows we have them and that, consequently, we are the most powerful nation on earth. And, if you are not with us, you are against us. Silly me.]

America and the world will not be blackmailed. [BD: No. We won’t. But some of our Congressmen certainly opened themselves up for it. This may be as close as we get to the whole Abramoff thing.]

America is working with the countries of the region -- South Korea, Japan, China and Russia -- to find a peaceful solution and to show the North Korean government that nuclear weapons will bring only isolation, economic stagnation and continued hardship. [BD: Wait…America is getting kind of isolated on the world stage… Our economy is kind of stagnating… Things are kind of tough for the US of A in the grad scheme of things (though not as tough as, say, Africa). I’m with W. I blame the nukes...]

The North Korean regime will find respect in the world and revival for its people only when it turns away from its nuclear ambitions. [BD: To which Kim Jong Il will probably reply “Don’t hate the playah. Hate the game!”]

Our nation and the world must learn the lessons of the Korean Peninsula and not allow an even greater threat to rise up in Iraq. A brutal dictator, with a history of reckless aggression, with ties to terrorism, with great potential wealth will not be permitted to dominate a vital region and threaten the United States. [BD: Whoops! Bush did it again. He played with the truth. Got lost in the rant. How shameful! Shameful! Seriously. Iraq and Saddam HAD NO TERROR TIES save for what it was doing to its own people. Is that what Bubble Boy is driving at? Irrelevant because they posed ZERO threat to the United States before we invaded it. NO THREAT. I smell Rove in this statement. Damn that fat ugly man.]

Twelve years ago, Saddam Hussein faced the prospect of being the last casualty in a war he had started and lost. To spare himself, he agreed to disarm of all weapons of mass destruction. [BD: Ok. History. So what?]

For the next 12 years, he systematically violated that agreement. He pursued chemical, biological and nuclear weapons even while inspectors were in his country. [BD: Bold face lies. Why does he continue to beat this drum? It doesn’t matter how many times you say it, saying it doesn’t change the fact that Iraq had didly for WMD. This isn’t just wrong, it is insulting my intelligence.]

Nothing to date has restrained him from his pursuit of these weapons: not economic sanctions, not isolation from the civilized world, not even cruise missile strikes on his military facilities. [